The March Madness Writing Contest!

The March Madness Writing Contest!

Hosted over at Susanna Hill's blog CLICK HERE

The Contest: Write a children's story, in poetry or prose, maximum 400 words, that is a fractured fairy tale.  Feel free to add a theme of spring, or mix in one of the spring holidays if you like - St. Patrick's Day, April Fools Day, Easter or Passover, Arbor Day, Earth Day...  Have fun with it!  The madder* the better! :)
*as in wild and wacky, not angry :)

Here's my entry:

HANSEL AND GRETEL'S SWEET TOOTH

Hansel and Gretel didn’t stick around after escaping the old witch’s candy cottage.

It was told: They ran back home.

But how did they get home if all their breadcrumbs were eaten?

Here’s what really happened after they ditched the witch…

 

The candy cottage magically called out to them,

“Hey! Get back here and try the jelly beans! They’re the best!”

And they were!

 

By day, they picked and chewed…

And by night they rubbed their swollen tummies.

“We’re gonna need bigger pants!”

 

The cottage kept whispering, “Try the shingles! They’re mouth-watering!”

They ate and ate and ATE!

Until, they were down to one jelly bean.

 

“Let’s grow more,” said Gretel.

They planted the jelly bean, like a seed, in the garden.

 

They waited for one long hour.

“Hello in there? Come on out,” said Gretel, tapping her foot.

Hansel’s tummy gurgled. He dug up the jelly bean and ate it.

Yup- It had dirt on it. He was that hungry.

 

On their walk, they wobbled and rested, wobbled and rested.

 

This went on for hours until finally they found…

… ANOTHER cottage. 

 

It had huge layers of sliced beets, potato trimmings, and a celery stalk chimney. 

It seemed to call out to them, “Try my asparagus! It’s tasty!”

“What’s asparagus?” Gretel asked Hansel.

 

A large burly hand pointed at them. 

It was their old gym teacher.

“Have you been skipping my class?” he said.

“We got lost,” explained Hansel.

 

The gym teacher picked an onion off his cottage.

“Try my onions! They’re the sweetest!”

 “Sweet like candy?” asked Gretel.

“No thanks!” said Hansel.

 

Their teacher made a few veggie concoctions.

He said, “Try this carrot shake!”

“Did you say carrot cake?” asked Gretel, “I’ll have a BIG slice!”

Hansel tried a sip of raw beet juice.

But her taste buds ONLY wanted candy.

 

It took some time to change their minds.  But once they did, there was no stopping their eating.

 

By day, they picked and chewed their veggies…

And by night they rubbed their full tummies.

 “We’re gonna need bigger plants!”

 

With the help from their gym teacher, Hansel and Gretel planted their very own cottage.

But NOT a veggie one….

It had huge layers of sliced strawberries, blueberry trimmings, and a banana top chimney. 

Gretel called out to Hansel, “Try the watermelon! It’s mouth-watering!”

They never ate candy houses again and they lived healthier ever after.

Happy spring everyone!!

And thank you Susanna for hosting this fun contest!

 

My Entry for "What If" Blogfest - Comedy

It's "What If Fairytale Madness" Blogfest time- Yippee!

To participate or find out all the details, please click here.

My entry is below in three hundred words or less - excluding the title.



The Beautician and the Beast

I  wasn't always a princess.  I was once a beautician that groomed dogs, but then some strange luck led me to the prince.

My life was good when I had my shears.  I could turn any mutt into a bright eyed fox with a few snips.

A day came when my poor shears became blunt and I could no longer make a mongrel smile.  I knew I had to do something drastic.

I set out to find a replacement.

Deep in the woods where the path ended stood a lonely castle. I knocked once and a hairy beast answered.

“We don’t want any,” he said.

 “But, I’m here to ask for a pair of shears?” I squeaked.

“I have one pair but I need them,” he said trying to close the door.

I tried to think of something fast, “You look familiar. Are you related to…”

“…the prince?” he answered.

“Er…I was thinking more like Bigfoot,” I said.

“No!” he growled.

“A hideous witch transformed me into this. I should have requested to be a scaly dragon then be cursed with all this hair,” he whined.

I promised the beast I’d help him, but first I just need to borrow his shears.

I washed behind his ears making his tail wag.

I chopped and styled his hair making it fall off nicely.

Whoa unexpected! What a hunk of a prince, he was.

But only for a moment!

His hair magically grew right back making his heart sink.

I tried once again, but the hair returned.  I gave him back his shears.

When in Rome, I thought.

 I grew mine out too. 

I had leg hair long enough to braid and pits longer than Rapunzel’s mane.

The beast and I were married and lived hairy ever after.